Kevin got Lasik surgery on Friday. The good news? It worked! The bad news? Kevin has been getting mocked by me for days.
Of course, that first day I was sweet. I read all the instructions on what meds and drops he needed and when. I made sure I understood the part that said he needed to sleep for about 20 hours that first day by re-reading it a number of times to understand that yes, that’s what it really said.
(As the mother of a new baby, I would also like Lasik surgery. I don’t have bad eyesight but I would like to be able to sleep for a very long time.)
I made him dinner (a frozen pizza – that counts!) and woke him up and then made sure he took all his medicines so he could go to sleep again while I took care of Tom. And that was the first day.
Then the next day, when I realized he was truly going to have to wear his sunglasses all day — the mocking began.
First of all, he couldn’t drive the next day until we got the OK from the doctor. That meant that my husband had to go with me wherever I wanted. If you know me, you know I wanted to go to Target. Which meant that while in the store, Kevin looked like either he was:
a) A robber
b) A weirdo
Now, although I thought the fact that he had to wear sunglasses all the time for the entire weekend — even in our house, even in the evening — the freakiest part was waking up to him.
At night, he cannot be trusted not to rub his eyes with his big man hands, which would render him blind. They didn’t say that, but it must be something like that because they had him tape these little plastic thingamajigs over his eyeballs. So there is Kevin with tape all over his face and his eyes covered with these clear plastic things and I’m telling you…it’s not a sexy look.
Then came Sunday. Sunday, after two nights of taping plastic all over his face, I noticed that there were a lot of…Huck hairs on his nose. Like, all over his nose. He was turning into a pup. Apparently the tape leaves behind a sticky residue that he can’t get off, then he plays with Huck, who is shedding because it’s the summer, and then Kevin gets Huck hair stuck to his face. And he can’t get it off.
So picture this: He wears sunglasses all day like Men In Black, then he puts tape and plastic on his face at night, and then the next day he gets dog hair stuck all over his face.
Are you picturing it?
He’s paying me back for my looks in the days (weeks/months) following Tom’s birth I think. Although, there was no dog hair involved in my look.