Hello, My Name Is Kate And I Am 80.

I am physically falling apart – just like all those nipples I wrote about last week.  Actually, I guess I just told you about the one busted nipple but since then, four others split so I’m thinking they expire after three months.

Anyway, back to me.

All of my physical ailments started when I slept wrong on the couch one morning almost two weeks ago and strained some of the muscles in my neck.  And it still hurts!  I’ve resorted to taking the super Ibuprofen tablets they gave me for giving birth.  Seriously, I can’t really turn my head left or right!  It’s kinda annoying.  And when someone calls my name, I turn my whole body to look at them and I feel like a robot.

And then I busted up my toe in a really gross way and I can’t even explain it to you.  Let me just say that I’ve been wearing flip flops for over a week.  And I’ve been putting a band-aid on it so no one has to look at it.

And then I infected my finger somehow.  Poor Tom grabbed my finger one day and I gasped and I scared him.

And now I have a gross cold.  Which I’m scared I’ve passed on to Tom!  (I will tell you that he’s still cute when he’s sick.  The same cannot be said for me.)

Oh good grief – it’s insane. I mean, I really feel like I’ve aged 50 years over the course of a week!  I don’t know what happened.  One day I was a happy, healthy girl and the next day I felt like I needed to be put in a bubble to keep me protected.  Or I need to be in assisted living so someone can help me keep up with all my medications and make sure I eat real food instead of existing on a diet of peanut butter and snickers.

You don’t think my peanut butter and snickers diet could possibly be why I’m sick now, do you?  Nah…

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