That’s Not A To-Do List.

I’m on to you.  That’s an “I-don’t-want-baby-duty” list.

Kev and I rarely have had any type of issue surrounding baby duty.  This is mainly because we are both so completely in love with our little man that usually the fight will be about who gets to hang out with him next.  Admission: I am a baby hog.

But Saturday night, Kevin had a work function and I stayed home with Tom.  Usually, this would be no big deal except that I suspect Tom had the beginnings of the cold I now have and he was in a terrible mood and not sleeping.  He stayed awake until around 10:30 and most of that time he was really fussy and not too happy to be hanging with his mom.

He also woke up at midnight, 3 a.m. and 6 a.m. and at 6 he woke up for good.  This is also out of character for him.  (Thank goodness this isn’t normal.  Please don’t let it be the “new normal.”)

Basically, I ended up getting 5 hours of divided up sleep that night so Sunday morning I was having a hard time forming a complete sentence.  And when I finally did form a complete sentence, it wasn’t a nice one.

When Kevin woke up at 9 a.m. on Sunday (he had done the midnight feeding), one of the first things I said was that we’d had a rough night and that I was going to need a lot of help with Tom that day.  And he said, “Oh…that’s bad because I have a lot of stuff to do today.”

Silence.

I am instantly totally mad.  He just said the magic sentence that made me want to kick him in the shins.

Me:  “Like what?”

Him:  “Like mowing the lawn and filling that roof hole.”

Me:  “Is that it?  Two things?”

Also, it must be noted that at this point my voice is starting to sound dangerously shrill.  You know, that tone of voice that all men just looove to hear.

Him:  “Well…yeah.  And other stuff.”

So of course, I very maturely stand up and march myself downstairs so I can get away from him.   By “marched” I mean “stomped” because even though I know in my heart I love him, I was thinking of ways to physically harm him.

I got dressed, came upstairs and announced I was going to the grocery store.

You would think that going to the store would help me calm down and become rational.  You would be wrong.

So I get home and I’m unloading the groceries when I come upon it.  The “it” in this case being a list he had made while I was at the store.

I’m sure he planned to pass it off as a “to-do” list.  But it wasn’t.  It was an “I-don’t-want-baby-duty” list.

The difference?

The difference is that his list had the following on it:

–mow the lawn (front and back)
–fix roof
–clean up workout room
–pull weeds
–go through all mail

And a bunch of other stuff that I didn’t even read because after I read those five things I couldn’t think clearly anymore.

Pull weeds?!  Are you kidding me with this?  You want to know the last time my husband has pulled weeds?  If you guessed “Never” you are correct.

Cleaning up the workout room?  Okay, it’s true that I cleaned it about a month ago and then during Kevin’s cable/internet project it got all messy again and I told him he should clean it this time because I didn’t know where all his stuff actually goes. A month ago.  He has made absolutely no mention of it since then.  But now suddenly he must do it on the day I said I needed his help.

Going through the mail?  Why is that even on the list?  I know we get a lot of mail and that he hates it – but is it really such a chore to keep out the ones you need and trash the ones you don’t?  I mean…I do that every day.  He might as well have put “make myself a sandwich for lunch” on his list.

I was so mad at him.  I didn’t even mention the fact I had seen his list because I couldn’t think of a way to mention it without screaming.  So…I didn’t mention it.

So how did this issue get resolved when I couldn’t think of a way to effectively communicate with him about it?  Well, first, he left and took Tom with him to the car wash.  That helped.  And then I screamed about how completely insane my husband was to my sister and she patiently listened.  That helped.  Then he invited his parents over and while they were spoiling Tom I went to my two favorite places by myself:  Target and Starbucks.  That helped a lot.  And then Kevin made potato soup.  And then I forgave him completely.

Because don’t you think your husband making potato soup from scratch is his way of saying “I was so wrong and you are so right and I love you so much and you are an excellent mother and I’m so sorry I made a completely ridiculous to-do list”?   Me too.

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