See this guy? He’s supposed to be 7-months-old. I could’ve sworn he was born in February of this year. But he’s morphed into a 2-year-old.
Clearly I had him in 2008 and just don’t remember it that way. I thought I was busy going on cruises and buying a house and drinking martinis on Saturday nights with friends in 2008.
But no. I had Tom. Because this child — this grown up looking child — cannot possibly be only 7-months-old. Right?!
He’s a total giant.
I’m blaming the outfit. It was cute in the store when I bought it, but it should’ve been marked “Will make your child look 18 months older!” on it. If it had said that, I wouldn’t have gotten it.
I don’t buy any clothes that are marked that way.
Especially for me.
You know those matching capri pant, cardigan sets are marked that way, right?
That’s why I don’t own any of those.
Now Tom: Stop growing. I mean it. Don’t make me call Cher to turn back time. She’s been plastic surgi-fied and you wouldn’t like her face. I try to protect you from scary things, but you need to meet me halfway on this. Be littler. Just a little littler. But keep up the good sleep work. Mmmmmkay? Thanks! xoxo