Tom is crawling.
Not acting like he’s going to crawl. Not ramping up to crawl. Not scooting.
Like a mad man.
And I totally cannot keep up.
You know how moms sometimes say they’ve spent their day, “Chasing their toddler around.”
And I always thought, “Yeah, that would be tough.” And then I wouldn’t give it a second thought.
Because I had no idea what I was talking about.
No really. Moms are literally chasing their kids around. Well, this mom is. Like, I was sweating. And swearing. And wondering how he went from being a slug to becoming a future track star in such a short time. And wondering if maybe I should’ve been preparing not by child-proofing my home, but by doing short sprints. And maybe a marathon. Half marathon. With hurdles.
Because yesterday, well it was a day.
After he’d been awake an entire 5 minutes he went straight for the dog’s water bowl and dumped it on himself and then played in it. Like it was a puddle. Which it was.
So I changed him.
And he went for it again. And I said no. And he went for it again. And I said no. And infinity.
And so I moved it. To the top of a cabinet where no one will get it, not even the dog.
That’ll teach em.
And then after lunch, I was adding water to his humidifier and I left him in his room playing with toys because I thought — COMPLETELY INCORRECTLY — that if I had the part that you added water to, the other part had no water.
I am a moron.
To teach me a lesson on how humidifiers work Tom dumped out he entire thing all over himself, his rug, the floor, and under a very heavy toy chest.
So while I was running to get towels, Tom kept playing in his newly created lake.
I moved him to the center of the room.
He came for the water. And I said no. And he went for it again. And I said no. And he went for it again. And I said no. And infinity.
So I moved him to the hallway outside his bedroom.
And then I heard a really loud scrape. And a crash.
Because Tom had immediately crawled into my office and pulled a side table across the room sending all of the stuff on it crashing down onto the floor.
Y’all. I am outmatched.