Tom is crawling.

Not acting like he’s going to crawl.  Not ramping up to crawl.  Not scooting.

Crawling.

Like a mad man.

And I totally cannot keep up.

You know how moms sometimes say they’ve spent their day, “Chasing their toddler around.”

And I always thought, “Yeah, that would be tough.”  And then I wouldn’t give it a second thought.

Because I had no idea what I was talking about.

No really.  Moms are literally chasing their kids around.  Well, this mom is.  Like, I was sweating.  And swearing.  And wondering how he went from being a slug to becoming a future track star in such a short time.  And wondering if maybe I should’ve been preparing not by child-proofing my home, but by doing short sprints.  And maybe a marathon.  Half marathon.  With hurdles.

Because yesterday, well it was a day.

After he’d been awake an entire 5 minutes he went straight for the dog’s water bowl and dumped it on himself and then played in it.  Like it was a puddle.  Which it was.

So I changed him.

And he went for it again.  And I said no.  And he went for it again.  And I said no.  And infinity.

And so I moved it.  To the top of a cabinet where no one will get it, not even the dog.

That’ll teach em.

And then after lunch, I was adding water to his humidifier and I left him in his room playing with toys because I thought — COMPLETELY INCORRECTLY — that if I had the part that you added water to, the other part had no water.

I am a moron.

To teach me a lesson on how humidifiers work Tom dumped out he entire thing all over himself, his rug, the floor, and under a very heavy toy chest.

So while I was running to get towels, Tom kept playing in his newly created lake.

I moved him to the center of the room.

He came for the water.  And I said no.  And he went for it again.  And I said no.  And he went for it again.  And I said no.  And infinity.

So I moved him to the hallway outside his bedroom.

And then I heard a really loud scrape.  And a crash.

Because Tom had immediately crawled into my office and pulled a side table across the room sending all of the stuff on it crashing down onto the floor.

Y’all.  I am outmatched.