My Major Decision.

When I was a little girl, I used to get my sister and friends to reenact TV shows, which I would videotape.  I would direct them on what they should do.  Where they should stand.  What they should say.  (God forbid if they went off script!  Hell to pay!!)

We would then recreate commercials during the breaks. I would use my announcer voice to say which product was sponsoring our wonderful program.  I used to sit in my directors chair (which my parents bought me) and clap my hands together while saying, “Take 2!”

I went to college and majored in Media Communications – specifically, television news.

My first job out of college was as a production assistant at a TV station in Atlanta – a top 10 market.  It was a dream come true.  It was where I had hoped to end up, and instead, here I was, working there right out of the gate.

I worked crazy hours, weekends, holidays and everything in between.  It quickly became my entire life.  My co-workers became like family.  And eventually, I worked my way up until I was writing news, which is what I wanted to do.

And then I got married.

And then I had Tom.

And after 11 years in television news at the wonderful station that had become my second home, two months ago I sat in my boss’s office and seriously cried as I told him that I had made an absolutely crazy decision.

I wanted to quit.

Because I wanted to be a stay-at-home-mom.

There are many, many, many reasons I made the decision.  Many.

But the main one is simple.

I wanted to.

How did I get here?

How did I go from career woman to wanting to be a stay-at-home-mom?

As a child, I played director, not mommy.

In my 20s, I planned for my career, not a family.

But in a few short months, I decided I wanted a complete career change.

And it wasn’t easy.

I do not do change well.  As evidenced by everything I’ve ever done up until this point.

There is comfort in routine for me.

I kind of love the insanity of my life.  I love feeling like I can do it all.  I love coming to work.  I love being able to tell people what I do for a living.  I love my co-workers.  I love my job.

But, still.

I want to be home with Tom.

I want to.

And even though I want it.  And even though it was my decision.

I am scared to death.

I am scared to be with him 24/7.  I am scared I won’t be good at it.  I am scared I won’t know what to do to fill our day.  I am scared there will be so much to do in the day I will fail.  I am scared about the impact it will have on my future job when I try to jump back in.

I am scared people will judge me.

But…

I think I can do it.

I do not imagine it being lollipops and rainbows all day, all the time.

Some of the time.

I mean, someone will give me a lollipop sometimes, right?

Right?!

Lie to me.

I told Kevin when we decided this that this was the most difficult decision I had ever made.

Not where I decided to go to college.

Not when I decided to get married.

Not when we decided to have Tom.

This.

And even though I’m scared, and even though I’m sad about leaving my job and the friends I’ve made there, I believe I am making the right decision for me.

I believe I won’t regret it.

I believe this change will be good.

I believe I will be happy.

When I get scared about it, I remember a line from one of my favorite movies.

“You are daring to imagine that you could have a different life.”

Yes, I am.

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8 Responses to My Major Decision.

  1. Melanie says:

    Aww, congratulations! I had a feeling this was coming. I quit work when Abby was 11 months old. It was hard, no one knows most of the stuff you do, you don’t get compliments on how clean the toilet is or how much one-on-one time you spent with your little person, the way you would for doing something at work…but you know it’s worth it. It’s a different life and it does take some adjusting. We’ll all look forward to you blogging about it. 🙂

  2. Greg says:

    *HUGE hugs* because of who you are, and what you are about to do, and I admire you for it. Speaking from a guy who’s wife gave it all up to stay at home, best decision we ever made. No its not all lollipops, but when you get one, its the best one ever. Every time.

  3. Jaime says:

    I remember feeling the exact same way 2 years ago. I too sat in my boss’ office and cried telling him I was going to quit. Yes, staying home with kids is crazy, frustrating, and exhausting, BUT it’s also the most fun I’ve ever had. EVER. I’m so glad that I’m not missing out on my children’s lives and I hope that you will find the same joy that I have in your recent career change! Sounds like you’re off to a great start!

  4. Dana says:

    Welcome to the hardest most wonderful career you will ever have! I can only imagine what a tough decision this was, but you and Tom will be in the swing of a new routine before you know it. LOVE!

  5. Choosing to leave my job in teaching was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. But I’ve never regretted it. Here are my tips for not going insane as a SAHM.
    Find a good playgroup, full of mommies who parent at least somewhat similar to you. I found mine through meetup.com and I would seriously be insane without them.
    Work out a routine.
    Get out of the house at least once daily. (This one is really, really important.)
    Get dressed. Every. Single. Day. If you stay in your PJs all day long, that is a one way street to major depression, trust me.
    You’ll be fine. 🙂

  6. carly bellard says:

    If people are crazy enough to judge you….then they don’t understand how important it is for your family. Remember….you won’t look back and say “I SHOULD HAVE WORKED” but you would look back and say ” WHEN DID TOM GROW UP? AND WHERE WAS I?” I also joined a meet up group off meetup.com It has saved my sanity! Welcome to the best non-profit you will ever work for!

  7. Jackie says:

    Crying. Yes, I am crying, because it’s all true, all of it. Good for you. You are certainly not going to fail! My thinking is that my career (outside of the house) will always be there for me one day, but these tiny, precious creatures will be that way only for an instant.

  8. Pingback: Working Mom. |

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