When I first became Tom’s mother I was scared.
I had no idea what to do.
I had never even really held a baby before. I certainly hadn’t picked one up!
I hadn’t changed one. I’d never tried to calm one down. I’d never fed a baby.
I didn’t know what babies liked to do.
Having their baby heads sniffed? Ummm…sure!
I loved being Tom’s mother. I loved being a mother, period. But I was anxious about a lot of things. It was hard for me to not know what I was doing, but wanting so badly to do it right.
As Tom got a little bit older, I got a little more confident, but also a little busier.
Tom wanted me to hold him All. The. Time.
Which was hard because I felt like I needed to sometimes do laundry, put dishes away, clean a toilet.
So I’d hold Tom some and then I’d sneak away and do some housework. Which made me feel guilty about not holding Tom, but better about the state of our house.
But I still didn’t feel like I had the balance quite right.
Working on a balance in life with children is always something to work on.
Time for your children. Time for your husband. Time for yourself.
But for me, in these past couple months, I’ve felt that the time I have been spending with Tom has been THE time.
The best of times.
I know Tom. The child he is becoming is happening. Right now.
I am seeing him develop his imagination, his vocabulary, his social skills.
I know he loves being outside more than inside. I know he is incredibly active. I know he thinks sleeping is for sissys.
I know he LOVES green beans. But yesterday he HATED them.
I know he loves trains, trucks, cars, golf carts, and not-at-all-surprisingly the song “The Wheels On The Truck.”
I know he loves me. More than anyone.
This is the time when he reaches for me always.
Now is the time that I am his best friend.
Right now, Tom will gladly hold my hand.
Tom will give me a hug when I ask for one.
He lets me tickle him until he gets the hiccups.
He thinks playing hide-and-go-seek with me is the only game that needs to be played.
When I leave the room, Tom cries. He is devastated. He misses me even when I’m only gone for 10 minutes.
I am cherishing this time.
Before he becomes more independent, before he makes his own best friend, before he discovers the wonderful world of Wii…
This time is for me and Tom.
So I am spending almost all of it teaching him, playing with him, singing with him, learning with him, and smothering him with kisses and hugs.
And that’s as balanced as I’m willing to be.