I am a few weeks away from becoming a mother of two.
And just like with Tom, I have some pretty major fears about this upcoming major change in our lives.
I am scared of many, many things.
I am scared I won’t have time for both children.
I am scared I’ll be too scared to leave the house.
I am scared I won’t know how to handle buckling them both in the car, putting them in a shopping cart, taking them to a friend’s house, taking them to a doctor’s appointment.
I am scared the lack of sleep in the beginning will totally kill me.
I am scared the lack of sleep at night will cause me to be quick-tempered with Tom during the day.
But the thing I am most scared about?
I am scared. to. death. my relationship with Tom will change.
I just don’t want that. Or I just can’t picture that.
Either way, I just can’t even handle thinking that will happen.
I’m pretty sure Tom totally understands he’s my #1 priority in life.
He knows in his own little way, that I would do anything in the world for him.
He also knows I love his Daddy and his doggy — but he is my sole focus and gets all my attention most of the day.
I am scared that when that is not the case, that when I have to stay seated to feed the new baby or when I can’t take him to the park right away — that he’ll….find a new mom?
I don’t know!
But right now, we’re best buddies! And pretty soon I’ll have a little itty bitty needy new friend who I’ll have to give a lot of attention to and Tom may be pissed!
And then he’ll stop coming to me for hugs and snuggles and he’ll cry and say things like, “Daddy still loves me” or something like that.
This is what I’m thinking!
I know it’s irrational.
But I just know that with major change comes…major change.
And I love my life so much as it is!
And even though I’m excited to meet our new love, I’m still very, very apprehensive about this change in our family.
I’m extremely excited and extremely scared at the same time.
Yeah, I felt almost exactly the same about a month away from meeting Tom.
And that turned out pretty okay.
So wish me luck that my child will still love me a few months from now.
Oh, and forever.