Feeling The Happiness.

My feelings toward this pregnancy have been quite different than the way I felt when I was pregnant with Tom.

With Tom, everything was new, semi-exciting, and not as bad as I’d been expecting.

I thought I’d have terrible morning sickness and hate being huge and would be a moody, crazy grump.

But with Tom, I think I was much more scared of actually having a baby to take care of, so I was perfectly content and calm being pregnant with him.

I wasn’t sick, I didn’t care that I was huge and I don’t *think* I was a meany.

But with baby girl?

Yeah, not so much loving it.

My pregnancy has still been super smooth compared to the horror stories out there.

But at the beginning of my pregnancy, I was totally scared/worried/frightened that Tom was too little to be a big brother. I couldn’t fathom how I was going to handle toddler Tom and a baby. At all.

By the second trimester, not only was I still worried about that, but I found it to be kind of irritating to be pregnant and chasing a toddler around.

And by the third trimester, I was so over it. I was huge. There were lots of things I couldn’t do. I felt the guilt when I skipped doing some things with Tom simply because it was uncomfortable for me.

And quite frankly, I was sick of my bad attitude.

I wasn’t feeling blue or terrible or guilty all the time. Probably not even the majority of the time.

But this time, I definitely felt more, “I wish I could wear real clothes.”

I felt more, “I wish I could easily pick up my child.”

I felt a lot more like, “This pregnancy is lasting for.ev.er.”

But now?

I have no idea what’s happened.

I’m giddy with excitement.

I suddenly feel completely and totally content and happy and thrilled about everything new.

Just the past couple of days, I’ve really felt like, “Everything is going to be okay.”

I think Tom will be a great big brother.

I think it will be awesome to meet our baby girl.

I can’t wait to be home with all of us and know it’s all of us.

(I’ll also be happy to know I can have a glass of wine.)

But really, I’m just really excited and happy and have been for days.

Maybe it’s because I know she’ll be here very soon.

Or maybe I used up all my nervousness already.

I’m sure it’ll come back — but for now, I’m just really excited.

Excited about meeting her.

Excited about seeing her with Kev.

Excited about seeing her with her brother.

Excited to see our completed little family.

And I’m excited that I’m excited.

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