My husband is wonderful.
No, really — he’s awesome.
He’s a super, crazy nice happy person who, despite those things, doesn’t annoy me.
He loves me and supports me and tells me lies like, “You look really skinny today!” and I love him.
On top of that, he’s a great dad.
He’s so good with Tom and, although he claims he’s still a bit scared of itty-bitty Alice, he’s wonderful with her.
So please keep all of that in mind when I tell you that I sometimes want to kill him.
What makes me want to kill him?
I’ve discovered that anything Kevin does during the first 3 months of having a baby at home make me want to kill him.
He innocently says, “I’m going to take a shower!” and I think, “What? No! *I* want to take a shower! How come *you* get to take a shower?!”
He says, “I’m going to mow the lawn like you asked!” and I think, “Now?! Now when both babies are awake and Alice needs to eat and Tom wants to go outside and can’t because *you’re* mowing the lawn?!”
He’ll say, “What are we having for dinner?” and I think, “Ugh! I have no idea! It’s dinnertime and I haven’t even eaten lunch!”
He’ll say, “I’m going to go take a nap for a little bit!” and I think, “No, seriously. I’m going to kick you in the shins.”
Nothing he does is correct.
Even if it is technically correct, it’s not.
It’s not even his fault (mostly) but I’d really love it if it was.
I find myself snapping at him for getting himself something to drink out of the refrigerator when I’m in there.
Like, why does he need to drink anything?
Can’t he tell I think the kitchen is too small and I need to put these dishes away and he’s in my way for like, .05 seconds?
I know it’s crazy.
But it’s still true.
Every hour or so I feel an overwhelming love for him and say things like, “You’re so great. I really love you!”
And usually he’ll laugh and smile and say, “No you don’t!”
And I’ll say, “No, really. I really, really do.”
And then he’ll tell me he’s got to run to the store for some necessity I’ve forgotten and I’ll be forced to be totally annoyed again.
Me: “How come *you* get to go to the store?! *I* want to go!”
Him: “Okay, you can go if you want.”
Me: “No I can’t. I’ve got to feed Alice.”
Me: “Fine. Go.”
But this is how I do when we’ve got a baby and I’ve got to feed that baby every few hours or so.
Aren’t I awesome?
Even though I love being a mom, I love having a newborn, I love that I’m able to nurse her…
It’s still hard sometimes.
Just knowing that I have to be around for when she’s ready to eat.
If she’s sleeping at home, I feel like I need to be there for when she wakes up, so I don’t want to leave her.
And apparently my baby-cabin-fever is ALL KEVIN’S FAULT!
I know y’all are all jealous of Kevin right now.
Such a charming, sweet, well-mannered wife he’s got.
In my defense, I really do love him!
And I promise I’m nice to him the majority of the time.
(Just not when he wants to bathe, eat, drink or sleep.)
But other than that!
I’m really nice.