Last week was really hard for me.
I think that since I’ve had Alice, I’ve had one really difficult week about once a month.
I just want to put that out there so you guys know that the majority of the time, I’m happy and feel like I’m handling things and babies adequately.
But last week was super rough.
Like, at one point I was holding Alice and just sobbing.
(Which, turns out, Alice loves!)
Last week I was really sick. Tom was sick. Alice is a baby. Kevin was out of town.
I felt really overwhelmed.
And really, really alone.
I have family and friends in relative proximity to me, but no one super close.
And no one who isn’t super busy with their own lives.
And honestly, in that moment, even if someone was close and had time, I’m not sure I had the strength to call and ask for help.
I was just…depressed.
Even though Tom was sick, it didn’t affect his energy level at all.
But he was sick enough that I couldn’t take him anywhere to play or we’d risk infecting everyone we know.
Plus, my sickness knocked me out.
On top of that, my wonderful baby super sleeper Alice — stopped sleeping.
She was up every hour or two.
And Kevin wasn’t here!
It was like…total cabin fever, actual fever, gross, not fun, boo days here at our house.
I felt like I was doing everything wrong.
I felt like I wasn’t doing anything at all.
I just wanted to sleep.
And since I couldn’t, I just wanted to cry.
I kept putting on movies for Tom.
Which made me feel insanely guilty.
Everything I was not doing with Tom made me feel guilty.
I kept feeling like, “This is not going to get better.”
And every single thing seemed overwhelming to me.
Answering emails, texts and phone calls seemed really, really, really impossible.
I just didn’t even want to talk to anyone.
It was a pretty awful three days.
But then, almost immediately after feeling like, “This is not going to get better.” — it did.
Thursday, I felt better.
Tom’s sickness was improving.
And I felt strong enough to take the two kiddos to our friend’s pool for the day.
Where I basically spilled all of my breakdown thoughts on her.
And just like that, I felt significantly better.
I think feeling physically better combined with getting out of the house and actually talking to someone made all the difference.
A huge, wonderful difference.
And now, it’s actually been hard for me to remember that I did feel that way only a few days ago.
My guess is that hormones, plus the stress of figuring out life with two, plus sickness, equaled a not-so-happy Kate.
I don’t really know what I would do differently if those circumstances happened again.
But I’m really hoping that being aware that it WILL totally get better in short order will help me next time.
And I’m hoping that I can try not to be too hard on myself.