Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…


So the thing about our tree this year was that — it was the worst.

I have always wanted to go to a real Christmas tree farm with my family and take pictures and be cute — but every busy Christmas season, it always seems a whole lot easier to take our kids to the tent in the parking lot of Home Depot up the street — so that’s what we do.

Hey! It’s tradition for my kids now!

They love it.

“When are we going to Home Depot to pick out our tree?!” they begin asking around mid-July.

So the weekend after Thanksgiving, we took the kids to the Home Depot tent and picked the first tree we looked at.

(Mistake #1.)

Kevin assured me that we needed a tall tree.

I was sure that our ceilings were not that tall, but seeing as everything seems pretty tall to me, I took his word for it.

(Mistake #2.)

So then we got it home, and I immediately realized this tree…

Had a huge gaping hole in the side of it!

How did I not see that?!

Was it because I was watching my two children in the tent, making sure they didn’t leave the tent and pop right out into traffic?

Of course it was!!

I would NEVER pick a big hole-filled tree!

And when I say big…I mean BIG.

It was really fluffy.  Really wide.  Really tall.

Guess what our living room is not?

Any of those things!

(Especially fluffy.)

It scraped a line of tree-ish-ness guts across our ceiling before Kevin said, “I think I’ll have to cut the top off a bit.”

And then it hardly fit in our tree stand!

Whatever, I already hated it!

So as I’m trying to be Christmas-y and cheerful and fun, I’m secretly thinking there is a huge, ugly thing in my living room and it’s kind of…RUINING EVERYTHING…but you know, I’m hiding those feelings.

(Sort of.)

We got the ornaments out and let the kids decorate it.

And every ornament they put on, hit the floor.

Because not only was this tree FLUFFY, BIG, TALL AND HOLE-Y — it had limp branches.

Limp. Branches.

What the Christmas tree?!

You have one job!

The very first ornament Tom tried to put on there — was his one glass ornament.

The ornament he picked out for himself the previous year — and it hit the floor and shattered.


The kid was destroyed.  I had to tell him it was fine and we’d find another just like it and replace it, so not to worry!

(We didn’t.  We forgot.  Ha!)

Anyway, putting the ornaments on this thing was a huge hassle.

The kids had a good time, though!


So that night we all looked at this big, humongous, thing in our living room and talked about how awesome it was, because I’m all about being a total liar.

I’d bad-mouthed that tree all day, and couldn’t wait to get away from it!

We put the kids to bed, and then Kevin and I headed downstairs.

And 30 minutes later, we heard a scary, loud crash that could only be one thing…


Are you serious with this, tree?!

We just DIED.

I mean, laughing hysterically dying.

I had been so mean about that tree all day, and totally deserved for it to tip over, and spill water and ornaments and lights everywhere.

No, really. I totally did.

And it was funny.

I mean, the Christmas season wore on, and I never really liked it.

In fact, it never even drank any of its water, so it dropped this crazy amount of needles and by Christmas looked pretty dead — but still!

It was our Christmas tree. And the kids thought it was great.

And on December 27th, I took it down while Kevin was still sleeping, and after he’d been awake for approximately 7 minutes, I made him take it out back and burn it.

And although it wasn’t very good at anything else — it was spectacular at burning up.

And I love a good smelling fire.

This entry was posted in Alice, Family, Holidays, Kevin, Motherhood, Tom. Bookmark the permalink.

4 Responses to Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree…

  1. Melissa Neubauer says:

    Minus the tree falling over, that was the story of our tree this year too. Weakest limbs EVER. I was constantly picking up ornaments off the floor and not just because Ellie was pulling them off. I couldn’t wait to take it down.
    Now I will say a few tears ago we went to the cut your own and I hated that tree. Maybe because I’m used to Fraser firs and cypress are what grow in Georgia. And it didn’t smell the same or act the same and I swear I was allergic to something on the tree, either the fact it was cypress or pesticides from the field the whole time I decorated and undecorated that tree I broke out in hives.

  2. redkeeney says:

    what the tree!!???!!? I loved that you hated on your tree so it fell over. I would have died. LOVE.

  3. Once again you entertain! 🙂

  4. Pingback: The Perfect Christmas Tree. |

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